Health, mental illness

My Personal Battle with Anxiety

anxietyI know I’ve missed a few posts, and I’ll tell you why. I went to a wedding for some friends in Arkansas at the first of the month. When we came back, I ran out of the pill and didn’t call to refill in time. Once I stopped taking it, I realized how important it was in keeping my sanity in check. My mood changed, I was spotting, and developing panic attacks and anxiety-induced migraines. I knew it was anxiety induced because it happened out of nowhere, several days in a row. Last Saturday, I had a migraine that began as a headache right behind my right ear. I knew it was a migraine because nothing made it go away, like a regular headache. I ended up going to bed earlier than usual because I was in so much pain.

I’ve been trying to figure WHY this happened, aside from just not taking the meds. It wasn’t deliberate by ANY means. I understood the anxiety side, but why the panic triggers?

-Situation-The only things about the wedding that were different(for me)was it was in Arkansas and everyone had accents. It was also a lesbian wedding, so when everyone arrived, it was very obvious nearly EVERYONE; save for myself, my sister and her friend, and one or two straight couples, was a lesbian couple.

-Could that have been a trigger? No. I knew one of the brides, she’s a good friend of mine. Used to work with her. The ceremony was at a public park with a cop. A cop isn’t something one has at a wedding. Given it’s the South, and I don’t know how tolerant they are about lesbian weddings, but the people who drove by either paid no mind or honked. Nobody was mean, which was good.

-Situation-A cop. Unusual at a wedding, but whatever.

-Could the cop have been a trigger? No, but it certainly was concerning. I spoke to my mom about it, and she said it was a public area, and maybe they’re required to keep the peace, regardless of the event. Everyone’s seen what’s been going on with harassment at parks. Preventative action? Possibly.

-I didn’t know anyone-I was out of state with my sister, her friend and the only person I knew was one of the brides. Everyone had an accent.

-Could attendance have been a trigger? No. My mom’s family is in the South and it was like being at a family reunion for her side. About the same level of familiarity, except you know the names of a few people.

So what it comes down to, is the medication. As every woman knows, the pill is designed to aide in the menstrual cycle, for whatever situation. Some take it to keep from getting pregnant. Some take it because their cycles are too heavy. I take it because of PCOS. Turns out, it also aides with depression and anxiety. Don’t know if I knew that already.

What it comes down to, is when it ISN’T taken, it messes with your emotions.

So this blurb is to make up, and explain why, I’ve been MIA. It isn’t due to lack of material. It’s due to lack of necessary functional medication in my system.

Something I’ve noticed with this. When there’s a blog written by someone who does suffer from mental illness, it shows. Regular blogs are written in a timely manner. But when you’re dealing with mental issues, EVERYTHING ELSE takes a backseat until your life is better. That’s the case here. If you have an anxiety-induced migraine, you’re sunk. They don’t go away until the anxiety has been eliminated.

So, this is really all I have to say for now. Things will, hopefully, be back to normal by next week.

smiley heart-Ellie V